Gender transitions for minors are a highly contested issue and generally speaking, states are legislating accordingly along partisan lines; blue states are demanding that parents get any child who claims to be of a different gender do whatever the child says immediately including hormones and surgery, while red states are predominantly trying to outlaw gender transitions of minors entirely. Both approaches have one thing in common, though: the parents are nowhere to be found in the decision-making process.
Child Protective Services (CPS) is the vector of enforcement for these laws and policies. Some are newer than others, but it’s a familiar scene: reported by the family court, a school staff, a nosy neighbor, or someone else, CPS shows up at your door and says it’s been alleged you’re neglecting your child(ren) by facilitating (or not) gender transition of your child(ren) (hormones, hormone blockers, surgery, gender affirmation, etc.) and needs to investigate. Depending on the state you live in and your political beliefs, this may bode well for you. However, if you live in a state where the laws and policies are inconsistent with your beliefs, this should be very unsettling.
If you live in a state where the majority of politics are inconsistent with your views on this issue and CPS shows up at your door, this can be the equivalent of a five-alarm fire. This is because your beliefs on the issue have been determined by the state to be neglect when practiced and therefore, there is no immediate defense that guarantees your family stays intact. There is no way to justify it to CPS and the court. That does not mean, however, that all hope is lost. Not by a long shot.
In these circumstances, like all others involving CPS and the family court, the key is to get them in and out of your life as quickly as possible, while minimizing long-term impact. That means conceding just enough for a time to get CPS or the family court to exit your life. It may result in a substantiated case, but if you play your cards right, you can get through it with your family intact. You can always appeal the substantiated allegation(s) with an administrative review and get them overturned on a technicality.
If CPS doesn’t remove your child(ren) immediately or the court doesn’t change your custody/visitation arrangement, it helps to concede to calling your child by their preferred name for the duration of CPS’ involvement and possibly dressing as they prefer until CPS and all court involvement ends, in an effort to appear compliant, while delaying any irreversible medical interventions as long as possible. If the allegations are that you’re failing to facilitate gender transition, look for a service provider not paid by CPS and covered by your insurance who will not do anything right away and ideally, believes as you do. This should last longer than CPS involvement and therefore, buy you time. If the allegations are that you are facilitating gender transition, back off and do the opposite until CPS’ involvement ends. This will make it look like you are resolving the safety concerns alleged by CPS and may allow you to avoid court entirely.
If CPS does remove your child(ren) and places them in foster care, this is the time to get help immediately. You may look for counseling of your own and show your own interest to appear as if you are coming around to what CPS wants. Make sure the court approves what you do and that you communicate with your attorney frequently. Make sure you are kept abreast of the status of your children and if not, use your attorney to get the court to ensure you are.
You’ll have a much easier time if you’re either a single parent or have a spouse who is in agreement with you. If your spouse disagrees with you on this issue, you’ll have a much more difficult time resolving this issue. If your spouse disagrees with you and is more aligned with CPS’ position, it’s even more imperative to get CPS out of the picture. If you don’t look like you’re coming around to the other position, CPS and the court will likely try to give custody to the other parent and terminate your rights over this. Get CPS out of your life first and then finish the fight over how to raise your child(ren). If this is the conflict you’re having, deal with CPS first.
If CPS is not involved yet, this is time to think about the values you and your family hold dear and where those values will be most respected. If you live in a state where your values are not respected, this remains a risk. This would be the time to consider where you live, where your child(ren) go to school, the company you keep and the community you surround yourself with. As much as you may like your community, these are questions we should be asking ourselves. It only takes one person making one phone call to CPS to upend a family forever.
CPS is an executive branch agency at the state or municipal level and therefore, is subject to the politics of the Governor or Mayor. Even if there are no laws on the books, there may be internal policies delegated by executive order that you don’t see. The best way to determine risk in your state is to look at the political affiliation of the executive branch in your state. If it’s red, CPS is highly likely against gender transitions for minors; if it’s blue, CPS is highly likely in favor of gender transitions for minors.
When CPS is involved, you’re playing by their rules (and if there is court involvement, the judge, as well)- not yours. That doesn’t mean you can’t win, but playing by your rules won’t work in this arena. If you picture it as a game of chess, you need to move carefully- especially when the issue CPS comes to the door with is one that is highly politicized. If you tread lightly, you can get through a CPS case like this with your family and your rights intact. The more you know, the better prepared you’ll be and the better prepared you are, the better the outcome available to you.