Your child with autism has a meltdown you can’t safely keep under control. Your child with bipolar disorder has refused to take his or her medication for 3 days and is raging. Your teenager recently diagnosed with schizophrenia is hallucinating and you’re afraid for your safety and theirs. It’s 9:00 at night. You can’t reach the psychiatrist, clinical psychologist, clinical social worker, mental health counselor or other pediatric mental health professional. There’s no one else home. What do you do?
Some parents would call 911, but this is a risk. Law enforcement are mandated reporters, so if it’s not explicitly clear what’s going on, a report to CPS is a high risk. When the risk of a CPS report is high, it’s difficult for families to feel comfortable asking for assistance from law enforcement in their community. In addition, the risk of a misunderstanding turning into an injury, death or even criminal charges can make a situation even more precarious. There are many families who either try to do it themselves as a result or ask for police assistance and learn the hard way- tragedy by police or tragedy by a CPS report made as a result.
Almost all of this risk could be wiped from existence, but families tend to make one grave mistake that makes successful assistance without CPS involvement an extremely rare exception, rather than the rule: they don’t take the lead and give law enforcement specific instructions each step of the way as to what is being requested and how to tell when their assistance is no longer needed. They instead defer to the police offers to trust their own training and experience, which in circumstances like these, can backfire. In addition, it leaves the conditions of the situation up for wider interpretation and that’s how you can make sure CPS shows up at your door sometime after they leave. If families are to be able to call for help when they need it, they need to feel comfortable doing so- or they just won’t seek help at all.
When requesting law enforcement assistance with your child in crisis, we recommend doing the following:
- Introduce yourself to the officers and detectives in your local precinct. If they know you and your family under better conditions first, they are more likely to go out of their way to help.
- When you call, use the local number, rather than 911 when possible.
- On the call, disclose who you are and your child(ren)’s special needs (medical or mental health condition(s)), what’s actually going on and that you can’t handle it on your own. Make sure you emphasize your child is struggling and you need help de-escalating the situation to bring him or her back to baseline.
- On the call, make sure you disclose whatever treatment your child is enrolled in and what you’ve already tried (e.g. calling the mental health professional).
- When they arrive, make sure you are in between the police officers and your child(ren). This will ensure you don’t lose control of the situation.
- Make sure you disclose any firearms or other weapons in the home and how they’re secured. Reiterate that your child is not dangerous, but is struggling.
- Coach the police officers on exactly what you’d like from each step of the way. Do not be bossy or controlling; this may appear disrespectful. Tell them what your child likes, so they might be able to establish a connection to de-escalate.
- It can’t hurt to have a trusted parenting book on your coffee table visible when law enforcement enters.
- When your child is sufficiently de-escalated, thank the officers for their assistance and let them know you’ve got it from here.
- If you use this repeatedly, it may be helpful to provide the local precinct with a picture of your child with a written note containing their name, medical and mental health conditions, medications they take and names and numbers of medical or mental health providers.
While this method can work, it does have some limitations:
- The larger the community, the less effective the relationship with the precinct may be. There’s a big difference between a small town police force and the New York City Police Department.
- Some communities may list these types of calls in the news media police blotter. Details may vary, but some families may be more worried about the publicity than others. While you may request they be excluded, it is a risk.
- It is still possible safety concerns could be identified and law enforcement are mandated reporters. Therefore, it is impossible to eliminate the risk of a report to CPS being made entirely.
At CPSprotect Consulting Services, we know help is not always easily accessible when you need it and rarely is a situation ideal. This is when you need to evaluate your risk and make the best decision for your family. If that decision is to request law enforcement assistance when your child is in crisis, make sure you do it with the least risk to you and highest potential for a safe, happy, uneventful ending. When you learn how to make resources work for you when you need them, you end up with less to fear and a happier ending.